Amanda Englishby Life Coach

Christmas has gone. It’s now time to give yourself the present you deserve. The present of forgiveness. One which, if you chose to accept will lead to a life filled with freedom and the space for more happiness to enter.

Wouldn’t this be nicer than your current state of mind and the linked emotions you still have to this person or experience?

Though forgiveness can be tough, especially when the hurt and pain still feels so raw and so real.

Why the hell should I forgive them for what they did to me? You may say. What they did was unforgivable and has ruined years of my life. You don’t understand the major impact that this has had on my life, health, relationships…..  You feel the anger rise even when I suggest forgiveness.

Firstly, let me say from the bottom of my heart that I am genuinely sorry that you have ever had to experience pain in any part of your life. My words in this piece are by no means meant to devalue your pain. They are quite the opposite. They are here to give you the hope, courage and strength you need to set yourself free. I speak these words from a place of knowing. From the place of a survivor.

You need to try and understand that to forgive is not to condone the person’s actions, nor the pain, hurt and suffering they have caused you. Not at all! It is to set yourself free. As the Buddhist saying goes:

If you choose to hold onto this pain you are the one who will continue to suffer. Will the person who caused you the pain be sat thinking of you right now, what they did and letting it ruin their life? Maybe you want them to, but the harsh fact is they may not and none of us can control the thoughts and actions of others. All we can control is the way in which we choose to respond from here on. They may have hurt you then, though why give them control over your future happiness? How dare they ruin the rest of your years in this beautiful world with all it has to offer.

** Quick! Grab a pen and write down how you would feel and how your life would look if you could forgive, let go and move on? **

Wayne Dyer makes an interesting point in one of his teachings where he states “there are no justified resentments”. He discusses how nobody ever died from a snake bite. It’s the venom which continues to flow through the blood system, consume the body and ends the person’s life. Isn’t this what we are doing if we hold on to this resentment, hate, pain….? Letting it consume us and take over. What a soul destroying way to spend our years.

** Look back at your writing now and see what you can choose to have **

Time to take back control and flip this around.

Forgiveness is not:

  • Being a walk over
  • Brushing what they did under the carpet
  • Saying that your not entitled to be hurt and feel the way you do
  • Justifying what they did

Forgiveness is:

  • Choosing happiness over resentment
  • Taking back your power
  • Freeing more space for good energy and experiences to enter
  • Taking care of your wellbeing
  • Living

This forgiveness is for you. Therefore, it’s not a matter of telling them. It’s a knowing, an inner agreement with yourself so that you can move forwards.

I would also like to suggest that when you do choose to forgive you also work on self-compassion exercises. Being kind to yourself is not an easy process, but is extremely powerful during your healing process.

If you are struggling with ‘forgiveness’ and feel you need further coaching/support, I have an array of tools and techniques to help you. Call now for a FREE fifteen minute chat or book in your one to one coaching session via my website.

Much love

Amanda ‘The positive realist’

2 thoughts on “Forgiveness! A present to yourself.”

  1. Love this! Well written and practical also helps to realize forgiveness is saying “I forgive you but I don’t condone the actions you took” I will be applying this in my life on those blockages that are still lingering. Thank you. X

    1. Thank you Zoe. I am so glad to hear that these words resonate with you and can help you to move forwards. Keep in mind and heart that the forgiveness is for you and the future you rightly deserve.

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